Is It Time to Relocate to Be Close to Your Grandchildren? The Practical and Emotional Facts of Relocating Grandparents

For some, it goes without saying. Others find the question to be a silent tempest of identity, longing, and practicalities. Moving closer to family is about belonging, age, autonomy, and change—it is not just about getting free childcare or cozy embraces.

a thoughtful, human-centered look at the emotional landscape you may encounter before giving over your house keys and packing the moving van if you are thinking about making a big move to be closer to your grandchildren.

First of all, do your children want you near them at all?

Of course they would enjoy having us close by—who does not want weekly fresh banana bread and built-in childcare? However, this is not always true.

In order to develop their independence, some adult children relocate. Others might worry that their marriage or boundaries will be strained by their parents' closeness. The Goldilocks conundrum follows: being too close feels suffocating, and being too far feels lonely.

Consult them. Ask really. Start frank, open-ended discussions that allow for emotions and anxieties. Pose queries such as:

What kind of arrangement would you prefer?

Would weekly dinners be a stressful or special occasion?

What kind of arrangement would you prefer?

Would weekly dinners be a stressful or special occasion?

Would you prefer planned time or impromptu drop-ins?

Eventually, a friend of mine who is a widow with two adult sons who live in different places decided to move literally somewhere in the middle. She chose a location that was roughly an hour away from each so she could visit with ease and still lead her own life. Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

Do You Even Enjoy Their Living Situation?

Let us face it, you will not be happy with every location your kids end up in. Moving to a city that feels noisy, lonely, or uncomfortably humid to your adult children may feel more like a sacrifice than a happy one.

Despite your intense love for your family, keep in mind that you are also moving for yourself. 

Are my interests and values reflected here?

Will I be able to enjoy my favorite yoga class, the outdoors, the arts, or a spiritual community?

Do not undervalue the small pleasures in your life, such as your favorite hiking trail, your go-to dog walk route, or the barista who knows your order. These are touchstones, not just routines. And it hurts to lose them.

What Are You Going to Leave Behind?

Although it is easy to dream of a new beginning, moving also entails loss. You should not minimize the pain of leaving behind a residence that houses your family's memories, a close-knit reading club, or lifelong friends.

Consider:

Your social fabric: Will yearly trips and Zoom calls be sufficient to maintain long-standing friendships?

Your physical environment: Is there a neighborhood that you feel somewhat at home in?

Your inner life: Are you emotionally prepared to give up the familiar for the novel?

To be closer to her grandchildren, a woman I know relocated from Santa Fe to Boston. She believed she was prepared. She wasn't. The city was too bustling, the sky too gloomy, and the feeling of home too brittle. She was happy again, although she missed the blue skies she had left behind.

Is it feasible from a financial or logistical standpoint?

This is where many people's dreams come true. Even when your financial account indicates otherwise, your heart may already be packed.

Questions to consider: Will dwelling in the new city be within my means?

Can I find what I need in terms of access to medical care?

Will I be sacrificing long-term support or financial stability, such as a rent-controlled apartment?

Relocating involves more than simply geography. It is about being honest about what you can and are prepared to give up, spending sensibly, and aging well.

So… Will Everything Turn Out OK?

The good news is that many people who take the risk find success. The majority of people I know who have moved for family eventually regained their footing, with one notable exception—a couple who moved and then promptly moved back. However, they proceeded cautiously, slowly, and with open eyes.

Several tried-and-true suggestions:

First, rent. Before making a commitment, give yourself some time to try it on.

Spend time when it is the worst. You are in luck if you can make it through August in Miami or February in Minneapolis.

Create your own life. Your children should not be your entire social circle. Find routines, interests, and friends.

The Actual Profit

It can be a lovely, meaningful decision to move closer to your grandchildren. However, it has layers, just like any significant life shift. Yes, it is about proximity, but it is also about identity, purpose, and how you want your next chapter to feel and look.

Take your time, then. Make in-depth inquiries. Allow your heart to speak, but also allow your intellect to be heard. Because a well-considered act of love might be one of the most selfless presents you can give to yourself and your loved ones.