How Denial Helps, How It Hurts, and How to Deal

One of the most prevalent and intricate defense strategies used by humans is denial. It can both insulate us from pain and cause us to suffer more if we remain in it for an extended period of time.

Let us explore the definition of denial, its manifestations, its benefits, and how to move on when it no longer works for you.

Really, What Is Denial?

The brain uses denial as a psychological defense strategy to temporarily reject reality. The concept of "being in denial" is not limited to the dramatic, popular culture sense. It may be as subtly expressed as:

Steering clear of a difficult discussion

Downplaying a significant problem

Keeping your feelings to yourself ("It is not that big of an issue")

Denial essentially shields us from emotional overload when we are not prepared to deal with a difficult situation.

How We Are Hurt by Denial

Although denial is intended to be short-term, it can subtly erode your wellbeing if it persists. Here's how:

1. It Postpones Recovery

You cannot repair what you do not confront, be it relationship problems, disease, trauma, or grief. Denial might prevent you from receiving support or assistance when you need it most.

2. Relationships Are Stressed

Even though loved ones may perceive a problem, communication breaks down if you reject it. Frustration, alienation, and mistrust result from this.

3. It May Cause More Serious Issues

If early indicators of burnout, financial difficulties, or a medical condition are ignored, the problem may worsen uncontrolled.

4. You may get disconnected from yourself.

denying the truth also means denying your true needs, wants, and feelings. This weakens self-awareness and self-confidence over time.

The Real Benefits of Denial

It can also be helpful, yes. The enemy is not always in denial. It is the mental equivalent of stating, "I am not ready yet." And that might be acceptable in the near future.

In some situations, denial can be helpful:

Following a distressing experience, it can help you prevent emotional overload by allowing you to process things gradually.

It lessens the initial blow of early mourning by allowing reality to set in gradually.

In times of crisis: It buys time to collect resources, whether they be physical, mental, or emotional, before confronting harsh realities.

Only when we become trapped in denial does it become an issue.

How to Deal with and Get Past Denial

The objective is to provide space for reality, not to impose it, if you or someone you care about seems to be trapped in denial.

Here's how:

1. Begin with curiosity rather than judgment.

Rather than asking yourself, "Why can I not just deal with this?" Try asking yourself, "What could be too unpleasant or stressful for me to deal with at this time?"

The key is compassion. The impulse to maintain denial is only strengthened by self-judgment.

2. Seek out the "Leak"

Denial merely buried emotions; it does not eliminate them. They frequently appear as:

Irritability

Overworking or becoming numb (think: shopping, drinking, scrolling)

Having trouble concentrating or sleeping

Take note of the emotional leakage. It frequently indicates what is being pushed downward.

3. Have a Conversation

To realize what you have been avoiding, sometimes you have to speak it aloud. You can begin naming the item you are rejecting with the assistance of a friend, therapist, journal, or even a voice memo to yourself.

4. Cut It Down to Pieces

It can be depressing to face everything at once. Consider this:

What is one minor reality I can accept today?

What would I need to confront the others?

Layers of healing occur, and that is okay.

5. Allow Assistance

Denial is difficult to overcome on your own. Without pressuring you before you are ready, a skilled therapist can gently assist you in exploring what lies beneath the surface.

Conclusion: Until it isn't, denial is protection rather than weakness.

Being blind to the truth is not the same as denial. Until you feel secure enough to feel, your mind is attempting to protect your heart. That is survival, not weakness.

But there is a lot of strength in facing the truth when the time is right and you are prepared. Not all at once. Not by force. But carefully and tenderly.

Because overcoming adversity does not weaken you. You become free as a result.